trust and doubt

I was just sitting and reviewing my deepest desires and passions for my life. As I contemplated my life I saw I have had or do have a total of 12 profound yearnings. I have already realized 8 of them. Each of them seemed mission impossible when I started. Each filled me with intense fear and doubt. Each was a heroine’s journey to complete. So I have 4 left. I feel extreme faith with one, some trust with another. Two feel like show stoppers, like how will I ever pull this off. The old self doubt sometimes wants to wrestle me to the ground. Interestingly what is not arising is the overpowering fear that used to sweep me away. Since my big crisis with anxiety that peeked October 26th, I rarely feel fear. I think maybe 3 days and each time I caught myself relatively quickly and moved back into faith and peace. But as I look at one situation in particular, it feels like a Mount Everest climb with two broken legs. I am allowing that feeling to have its way with me, diving into the physical sensations of how doubt impacts my body. I am making friends with uncertainty, asking it how I can serve it. I am not enjoying it much but a subtle part of me is appreciating the game. Like perhaps this will be the last time I really fall for doubt, might as well enjoy it. Very curious really. But yes, more of me is like, aw, yuck, stinky, go away! So I will celebrate all of it, knowing it is working magic for my highest good. Wish me luck with this bad boy. I am sending an angel to myself, trusting all is well.serene angel.

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