The holidays tend to trigger our desire for special love more than other times of the year. If you are feeling sad, lonely, unloved, uncherished, please offer your own heart your most tender compassion. Perhaps none of us received the love we felt starved for as children which then has us wandering like beggars looking for the fool’s gold of special love. Unfortunately, this love is a love that we will always seek without finding. It is an endless circle as we beg, cajole, manipulate another to give us the love we so richly deserve. It is all a smoke screen to keep us from remembering the Love that we are.
I know this endless looping and have experienced it, despite being conscious of the trap, for my whole life, especially at the holidays.While I have integrated most of my fears of being unloved, this one still eluded me. My daughter just confirmed I get all wound up, chasing the presents that seemed to be the only confirmation I was loved. I somehow knew it as I saw the gifts piled up. So gifts= love. Or so I believed despite two decades of attempting to dismantle this booby trap. Until yesterday when my heart finally was full enough to jump out of the whole paradox. What it took was to be willing to stop asking for a solution at the level of form, i.e. please give me the presents or please help me love my wounded ego enough to stop believing I need them to know I am loved. The solution was so simple that it escaped me my whole life. I asked to be moved to right-mindedness regardless of what happened in physical “reality.” I just wanted peace of mind. I asked sincerely to have this healed at the level of mind, to return me to the knowledge I AM LOVE, WE ARE LOVE. A Christmas miracle occurred and my heart burst open flooded with the knowing of my true essence.
I then had to apologize to those I had placed in the position of a betrayer, of being able to withhold love unless it was served up to my exact specifications. I had to leave my victim role behind and own the Love that we are, regardless of conditions.
My most sincere wish for all of us is that the veil can drop from our eyes and we can know the Love that we are, whether we are surrounded by precious loved ones who offer us endless reminders of our true nature or if we are completely alone. May this year awaken us as a species to our true nature. May each of us be comforted by infinite Love, whatever our circumstances.
If you are alone or feeling unloved, may I extend to you personally the most giant love wave ever? May it fill your hearts with the Knowing of the Love that you are.
P.S. the kicker was that the trigger was being told I would get a gift after the holidays as it was too inconvenient to get one before. After surrendering the whole enchilada sincerely (finally) a gift literally drove up to my door and I received a number of others. While that tickles me, it certainly is no comparison to feeling the Love as my true identity. It is easy now to know Presence is the only true gift.
P.S.S. The easiest way to access this knowing is through Holy Relationship yet that is another topic. To be continued…